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Will You Marry Me?

| January 15, 2014 | 20 Comments

I have always been busy studying, spending time with my friends or addicted to my laptop, mobile and other gadgets.  One day there was heavy downpour and due to power-cut it was dark all around. As my mobile was not charged I preferred to use my laptop and logged onto the following website http://www.muslimweddingflight.com.

The few minutes that I spent in reading the post engulfed the darkness in my mind which was more than the darkness around me. I’m sure you too would be shocked to read the following:

Gender imbalance is a disparity between male and females in a population having three characteristics in common:

  1. A rapid decline in fertility 
  2. Pressure for women to give birth to sons, often because of cultural preferences for male heirs. 
  3. Families selectively abort female fetuses.banerji4
  • A girl in India, from 1 to 5 years of age, dies from discrimination every four minutes (132,000 deaths per year);
  • 39,000 girls in China die annually, within the first year of life, because parents didn’t give girls the same medical care and attention that boys received.
  • Over 60 million women are missing in India. That is nearly the entire population of the United Kingdom. Sunny Hundal, author of the e-book India Dishonored: behind a Nation’s War on Women, suggests these women were aborted, killed once born, died of neglect because they were girls, or possibly murdered because they did not pay enough dowries at marriage.
  • In 2012, India was named the worst G20 country to be a woman in due to sex selection, infanticide and trafficking. 
  • India and China have around 37 million excess men each. With the exception of Saudi Arabia, all other G20 countries have either more women than men or the numbers are almost equal. According to Hundal’s estimate, by 2020 India will have an extra 28 million men of marriageable age. The number of marriageable males in China in the 20-49 age brackets will exceed 20 million in 2015. The social impact of such an imbalance is unprecedented in history.
  • In China many males between the ages of 28 and 49 are unable to find a partner and thus remain unmarried.
  • In India, it is estimated that 6.4% of pregnancies with a female fetus are aborted, leading to a loss of approximately 106,000 female infants per year.

deaths of girls

Judaism, Sikhism, Confucianism, Hinduism, Christianity and Islam condemn infanticide. The following verses from the Quran and some Ahadiths abhor the killing and encourage the caring of daughters:

  • “And when the souls shall be joined with their bodies; and when the female (infant) is buried alive (as the pagan Arabs used to do) shall be questioned. For what sin she was killed?” (Surah Al Takweer 7-9)
  • “Kill not your children because of poverty – We provide sustenance for you and for them; (Surah Al An’am 151)
  • “If anyone cares for three daughters, disciplines them, marries them off, and does well to them, he will go to Paradise. (Sunan Abudawood: Book 41, Hadith 5128)
  • “‘Whosoever has a daughter and he does not bury her alive, does not insult her, and does not favor his son over her, God will enter him into Paradise.’
  • “He who is involved (in the responsibility) of (bringing up) daughters, and he accords benevolent treatment towards them, there would be protection for him against Hell-Fire.” (Muslim: Book 32, Hadith 6362)

After reading the above details about the prevailing despicable situation, I would like to suggest to all my brethren to stop demanding or accepting dowries as this evil practice is one of the major reasons for the ongoing genocide in the Asian Subcontinent.

stop female feticide

For several decades we have been living like bacteria or parasites on the wealth of a girl’s family. We earn in thousands, millions and even billions in various capacities but when it comes to marriage we are portrayed as beggars and are used like pawns or are traded like cattle based on our qualifications and financial status. This cultural practice has resulted in the loss of millions of women and days are not far away when millions of men of marriageable age will not find a spouse. It is now high time for us to take an oath, to make a resolution in order to put an end to this genocide.

Most of us make a resolution each year and feel happy upon achieving the set target(s). Now, let’s make a LIFETIME RESOLUTION:

“I will inspire, motivate and live as an Icon by disengaging from the evil of dowry system”.

For decades it was the responsibility of the girl’s parents but now it shall be mine.  I will hereafter take charge of the wedding responsibilities as under:

  • I will be proud to bear the marriage expenditure in relation to furniture, clothes, jewelry, appliances and other expenses that are very meager when compared to what I earn throughout my life.
  • I will be proud to have my own vehicle, house and other necessities for a married life and shall not accept or demand these basics of life which are a disgrace to a “MAN”.
  • I will be proud to bear all expenses of my family during the marital journey and shall not be a dependent upon my In-Laws.

Once I’m able to resolve and accept the above responsibilities,

I will be proud to say: Will you marry me?

Your great grandsons will be proud of you and ever thankful to you for making this revolutionary choice. Will you chose to be an Icon for the betterment of the Society?


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About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.

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  5. Fayaz Pasha says:

    I hope your comment ended up in the spam folder and got deleted. Thank you so much that you enjoy reading my blog posts and wish you all the best in blogging. The one tip that I can give you is to follow your passion and visits blogs pertaining to your interest and other blogs, interact and learn more about blogging.

  6. Indrani says:

    When I see the statistics and matter you present in your posts I wonder if this is for some academic purpose or purely out of interest. When I get into the details and spend time thinking it saddens me and to think that somebody some where is actually experiencing this kind of gender discrimination is depressing.
    Your writing does evoke thinking and stirs up conscience.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      My work is purely out of interest and not for any academic reasons. Day-in and day-out we read about painful stories on the net, in newspapers and watch on TV and we learn through our friends and colleagues about dowry deaths, rampant divorces and similar social evils. It is sadistic to keep mum and do nothing about it. I share these statistics with a hope that parents will stop expecting, demanding as well as giving dowries which is the root cause of all other social evils in our Society. It is also hoped that youngsters in particular realize the fact that its the bridegroom’s responsibility to meet wedding expenses and other basics for the marital journey.

      Millions of lives can be saved by disengaging from the dowry system and so much pain can be erased from the society.

      • Indrani says:

        I have deep regards for you for what you are doing.

        • Fayaz Pasha says:

          I’m humbled Indrani. I would be happy to learn that families and those who are seeking marriage are getting my message to put an end to these social evils which would enable to achieve peace and prosperity in the Society and save many innocent women from helpless and hopeless life.

  7. Athenas Take says:

    Its nice to see a man take the initiative and enlighten the world. These are very vital facts and they are alarming and shocking. Following Shilpi and sharing this on all platforms.

  8. sindhoooo says:

    OMG! Thanks for your efforts to gather the facts for us… Appreciating your initiative of raising voice against what is wrong!

    The Arts & Me

  9. shilpi says:

    This was gruesome! I was shocked! Very strong view points expressed here! I am with you..Sharing your article on my FB page and twitter.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Indeed the video and the details are too shocking but unfortunately the Society is still numb to this genocide. There’s still hope that today’s matured young generation will come forward and save the Society from further deterioration.

      Thank you so much for sharing the post on your social media.

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