Wedding Reimbursement

| October 9, 2013 | 16 Comments

Hello and As Salamualaykum!

Dowry death is considered one of the many categories of violence against women, alongside rape, bride burning, eve teasing, and acid throwing. It is widespread in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal and Sri Lanka and some regions of Africa.  Pakistan has the highest reported rates of dowry-related deaths per 100,000 women in the world.

Dowry-related violence is widespread in India. In 2011 alone, the National Crime Records Bureau reported 8,618 dowry harassment deaths. Unofficial figures show that these numbers are at least three times as high.

A report by Bangladesh Mohila Parishad (BMP), a rights group working on gender issues, showed that from January to July this year, the number of dowry-related killing was 145 and there were 117 cases of tortures. In 2012, a total of 295 women were killed and 262 were victims of torture due to dowry.

Ismotwara Ahmed, 25, a housewife from Dacop Bathighata, Khulna, was writhing in pain at the burns unit of Dhaka Medical College Hospital. Her condition was critical as she had suffered 80 per cent burn injuries. Her husband put kerosene on her while she was asleep and set her ablaze, for having failed to pay dowry to him. Hanifa Khatun, her mother, said she had given as many gifts as possible to her son-in-law before marriage. But the in-laws of Ismotwara started treating her very badly after two years of the marriage.

Some of the excuses or pretexts for demanding, accepting or giving dowry are as follows:

Parents of a Daughter: 

  1. We will give our daughter whatever is the norm.
  2. God has blessed us a lot and we would like to give as much to our daughter.
  3. We have to give dowry so that our daughter stays at in-laws happily.
  4. If we do not give dowry, we will have no respect in the Society.
  5. We have to give dowry or else our daughter will suffer life-long with all taunting and harassment at the in-laws.

Daughters:

  1. I don’t care how you do it; I need the same things as that were given to my other sisters.
  2. Do you want me to be harassed, humiliated or burnt by the in-laws? Give me like what any parents give to their daughters.

Parents of a Son:

  1. We have spent so much for the education and upbringing of our son. We ought to get it back.
  2. Our son is not uneducated or unemployed. He is highly educated and well settled. He should get very good offers (dowry). 
  3. We have to maintain our status in the Society. What will people think if we do not accept dowry.

Sons:

  1. All my friends are well settled as they got huge dowries. Why shouldn’t I demand?
  2. I will not be respected in the Society and people will doubt about me if I do not demand or accept dowry.

It is one the biggest misconceptions that if more dowry is given, the daughter will be happy at the In-Laws.  The In-Laws will be happy with money and all that comes in the name of dowry.  Happiness is a by-product of virtues and good Morals.  If the daughter goes to her In-Laws with  virtues and good morals it will weigh more than her weight in gold.  The other reason why parents are willing to give exorbitant dowries is to display their financial standing in the Society.

We always check our status by comparing ourselves to other people in the Society.  We want to please our elders, kith and kin, neighbors and the Society. However we need to check our status in the eyes of our Creator. Taqwa (God consciousness) gives people a reason to do the right thing. The awareness of God’s power makes people want to please him, making taqwa a moral and ethical base for their actions.  “Taqwa can be compared to walking through a narrow path with thorny bushes on both sides and a person passing through it tries his level best to save his clothes from being torn. The thorns are the sins and the clothes are one’s Eeman (Faith).”

Narrated Hakim bin Hizam:
I asked the Prophet (SAW) for some money and he gave me, and then again I asked him and he gave me, and then again I asked him and he gave me and he then said, “This wealth is like green and sweet fruit and whoever takes it without greed, Allah will bless it for him, but whoever takes it with greed, Allah will not bless it for him, and he will be like the one who eats but is never satisfied. And the upper (giving) hand is better than the lower (taking) hand.”

Narrated Abi Waih:
Hudhaifa bin Al-Yaman said, ‘The hypocrites of today are worse than those of the lifetime of the Prophet, because in those days they used to do evil deeds secretly but today they do such deeds openly.’

MAKE A CHOICE TODAY

Here’s a choice for you or your parents to make.  Either you apply for a Wedding Reimbursement and get paid for everything from a Girl and her family OR make a Commitment to live life like a Prince.  

Reimbursement

 

     begging hands      Giving hands

                         The receiving hand                                                       The giving hand

NOTE: The figures above are just to serve as an example.  They may vary from person to person.

“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” – Marquis de Condorcet

 Hierarchy-of-Commitment

commit

Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry_death http://www.theindependentbd.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=180792:dowry-harassment-on-the-rise&catid=129:frontpage&Itemid=121
http://www.google.com
http://i-cias.com/textarchive/bukhari/076.htm

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About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.
You can contact me by writing to me at zayaf121@gmail.com.

You can read more on: http://muslimweddingflight.com/a-little-about-me

Comments (16)

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  1. Harsha says:

    As with all your Post your are doing a great work..Like You,Me,if more and more people became aware these things can be minimized..but the sad thing is even the educated lot never refrain themselves from doing such things..What they believe Marriage to a money minting affairs from the Girl’s side and For the Girl’s Side why they make the mistake of giving the hand of their daughter to such sick minded people..Today everyone can stand on their own feet,so why bother such things..

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thanks Harsha. That’s the reason why the Society is still afflicted with so many evils. Being educated should also mean that people understand the difference between good and bad, right and wrong. If education couldn’t teach them this simple thing they need to get educated further to help them make better decisions in life. Parents have a belief that the more they give the more their daughter will be happy at the In-laws. Unfortunately this has proved to be a disaster for the whole Society. Happiness shouldn’t be tied with materialistic things.

  2. Saru Singhal says:

    A thought provoking read, really liked the hands’ comparison in the end. No wonder many bloggers are sharing it on Facebook.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thank you Saru. When men and women realize the difference between the receiving hands and the giving hands there would be abundance of happiness in the Society. When people stop demanding from people and instead open their hands in front of the Creator, they would get all blessings from God.

  3. Shilpi Dutta says:

    This is a burning issue in many castes and all society, rich or poor, educated or uneducated. Wen will the mindset change :-( M sharing the post on my social site. The caption was enticing that made me read it. How sad is the state of our country, my heart weeps.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Many thanks Shilpi for sharing this on your Social Media. This is not only a burning issue but it has burnt many many women in the Asian Continent. A mother wouldn’t sleep whole night if her child would suffer pain of some sort. Imagine the pain when a grown up daughter is burnt down by her husband or in-laws for the sake of money. When such gruesome acts are committed, our Society prides itself being a partner to such an evil system.

  4. Athenas Take says:

    There is a lot to learn from every religion and every old custom that we have. The problem is we have stopped looking at things in the right way. Truly the difference between Dowry and Mehr has been brought out by you in a really interesting and clear way. Hope families, a lot of mothers and mothers in law and a lot of girls also understand this that dowry is an evil. May God give other men your maturity and pure heart.
    Athenas Take recently posted…Oprah- The First Lady When It Comes To Women In MediaMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Very true Athenas. We have stopped looking at the guidance provided by our Religions to lead a good life by distinguishing between right and wrong, good and bad but we religiously do what the Society dictates. The word Dowry refers to “Gift to the Bride” (Mehr) which has to be given at the time of Marriage. Unfortunately Men are demanding and accepting 90% dowry more than what they may give her as Mehr. I’m humbled by your thoughtful words and only hope all men and women understand the impact of this evil in our Society and the need to fight it tooth and nail.

  5. Vijay Prabhu says:

    Nice Fayaz to bring up this deep rooted problem in our society. I dont believe that being a hindu or a muslim has anything to do with greed. It is a systematic rot we face and have to remove before our children question us in future as to what we were doing all these years!

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Rightly said, Greed is one of the seven vices of human beings and nothing to do with any particular community. We are not only questionable to our children or future generations but more so we are answerable to the Creator for having partnered this crime.

  6. Animesh says:

    Hi Fayaaz, read the article. Though you have written it by keeping the Muslim community in mind, this is relevant to all communities. I find it equally relevant to Hindus. Thanks for this. Have shared the link on FB. Dowry is an evil and needs to eradicated at any cost.
    Animesh recently posted…बदतमीजी और हमMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Hello Animesh. Thanks for dropping by and for your kind comments. When we talk about a disease it refers to the whole Society and not to any particular community. This disease has tarnished the very fabric of our Society and has caused a lot of damage. It cannot be eradicated but yes we can all put our efforts to minimize further spreading of this evil so that future generations live peacefully.

  7. Indrani says:

    There is so much sincerity in these lines. You are doing a great deed trying to fight this social evil. Hope more people be aware of this and refuse to give or take dowry.

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