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  • Word a Day

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  • Why Marry?

    Unfortunately, these are some of the (unmentioned) reasons that some parents conceal when deciding to marry their children: • Our son is frivolous and we hope that he will learn his responsibilities once he gets married. • The mother is old and sick and we need a woman (daughter in-law) who will look after the […]

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Why Do You Want To Marry

| January 28, 2014 | 10 Comments

Man is endowed with mind with intelligence or power of reasoning. The greatest gift of the Creator to man is the ability to think which distinguishes him from all animals on earth.

Questions are the most powerful tools we have for making decisions and solving problems, for inventing, changing and improving our lives as well as the lives of others. Questioning is central to learning and growing. An unquestioning mind is one condemned to “feeding” on the ideas and solutions of others. We wrestle squint, frown, dig, probe, sift and sort information. We reach into our questioning toolkit and find the right answers to bring us closer to truth that may serve us well.

We never stop investigating. We are never satisfied that we know enough to get by.  Every question we answer leads on to another question. This has become the greatest survival trick of our species.

Desmond Morris

Questions are intended to provoke thought and inspire reflection, but all too often the process is short circuited by the simple answer, the quick truth or the appealing placebo.

In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.

Thomas Szasz

Sometimes simple questions baffle us and we just don’t know the answers or we take time to answer simple questions. If some of the following questions are asked in an interview for a job, many candidates who are unprepared get baffled and give improper answers for they had not thought about such questions.

  1. Why should we hire you?
  2. What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses?
  3. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Similarly, if the following question is asked to those who are aspiring to get married or to the parents who are planning to marry their son/daughter, what would be the answer(s)?

Why do you want to get married? Or why do you want to marry your Son/Daughter?

The general purpose of marriage is to provide love and companionship between a man and a woman, to reproduce and live in peace and tranquility within the commandments of god. However, there are also many other intentions (unsaid) for marrying or getting a son/daughter married:

Intentions create expectations and when those expectations are not met, problems arise and thus we see myriad problems in the Society. Unfortunately, these are some of the (unmentioned) intentions that some parents conceal when deciding to marry their children:

  • Our son is frivolous and we hope that he will learn his responsibilities once he gets married.
  • The mother is old and sick and we need a woman (Daughter-In-Law) who will look after the household chores.
  • As we have all male members in our house, we need a (Daughter-In-Law) who will take charge of all household responsibilities.
  • During childhood, it was agreed upon to marry the cousins and so we wish to fulfill that promise.
  • We might get a good business deal or a project if we marry our daughter to x, y, or z.
  • The boy is a “Green Card” holder and our daughter will be very happy with him abroad.
  • We need a male heir in the family.
  • We may get a huge dowry as the girl’s parents are very rich.
  • The boy or girl is a celebrity.
  • We have promised to exchange our daughter by marrying our son with another relative’s daughter.

“Verily actions are by intention.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

The Prophet also said: “For the ones whose concern is this world, Allah will scatter his affair, and place poverty between his two eyes. He will not get from the world except what is written for him. For the one whose intention is the Hereafter, Allah will gather for him his affair and place contentment in his heart, and the world will come to him willingly.”[Ibn Maajah].

So long as the true purpose of marriage is made secondary and all above intentions become primary, it is but natural that only those expectations will be fulfilled concurrent to the intentions.  Disharmony, disagreements and the blame game will dominate the relationship leading to many other social evils.

It is therefore essential to check your intentions when planning to get married or planning to marry your son/daughter. Masking or hiding your intentions will only result in assumptions and superficial expectations leading to a host of problems in the marital journey.  

If you are seeking marriage, here’s the question again:

Why do you want to get married?

Or

why do you want to marry your Son/Daughter?

 Intentions

Source: http://www.fno.org/beyondtech.html, Google.com

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About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.

Comments (10)

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  1. Athenas Take says:

    The start of a relationship cannot be based on such hidden intentions. Th only intentions should be love and happiness.
    Athenas Take recently posted…The Right To LifeMy Profile

  2. Indrani says:

    Marrying for love and companionship alone looks logical and can provide happiness. Other reasons can hardly bring any happiness.
    Great topic. Actually I never thought very seriously about it before.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Very true! In many aspects of life what we want and what we do are quite opposite and hence there are so many travails and tribulations. If we pursue what we want, we would be doing exactly what’s needed. In a marital journey what’s needed is happiness through a good companionship. Unfortunately all other things are thought and sought in marriage.

  3. sindhoooo says:

    A post that makes to think!

    Well, I married in order to get a companion for a life time, being with whom I would be just me without fear and sorrow. A companion, who strengthens me when I am weak… A companion, whom I can trust… A companion, who loves me… Yes, in return to all these I have to and I do give back him the same love and trust… I hope, when I have my children, I would tell them to marry for the same reason!

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me
    sindhoooo recently posted…Easily Make Princess Line Patterns from Basic PatternMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Very well said! What we seek and what we wish to give back completes the companionship in a marital journey. Those who seek all other things in a relationship fail to get a companion and live like opponents rather than partners.

  4. Anita says:

    Wonderful analysis & a true mirror-image of the times. Very well-written. There’s another reason- Marriage of convenience- that’s responsible for so many things like Emperor Akbar’s marriage with Jodha Bai :) If the parents’ business interests are served, they deem it fit to get their kids married off! Sometimes it looks like Doll’s play :)

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thank you Anita. Marriage of convenience is another barter system where parents seek financial and or business gain in exchange for their son/daughter. We thought that the barter system was discarded long ago but unfortunately it still exists.

  5. Amrita says:

    Wonderful post.often marriages r also hurriedly done esp of girls with the first proposal that comes from a good family fearing that refusal will call in bad luck. Also fearing society’s qns on y daughter is unmarried many parents hurry up.
    Understanding right intention for marriage is very important. Well said.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thanks Amrita for adding two more vital points to the list. Very true, parents hurry for the first proposal just like their daughter is on a clearance sale. The second thought has also been a major reason for many marital mishaps. For the sake of Society one wouldn’t be ready to drive away a pet from their house but most parents are unfortunately convinced to marry off their daughter due to fear of society.

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