• Main Hoon Na

    Main Hoon Na

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  • Mother of all Evils

    Mother of all Evils

    Many parents consider giving dowry as their love, obligation and responsibility. However, understanding the concept of dowry and its impact on the society becomes crucial in the wake of suffering and deaths caused by this evil system which is mother of all evils. The dowry system dates back to the Babylonian period wherein daughters did […]

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  • 100th Post

    100th Post

    Hello and As Salamualaykum! Dear Readers, The Wedding Flight  took off on 31st December 2012 and has reached its 100th post. This blog focuses on bringing awareness on some of the social evils in the society particularly the dowry system. The rising number of divorces, female infanticide and dowry deaths is alarming and threatening the society.  […]

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  • Love, Obligation and Responsibility

    Love, Obligation and Responsibility

    A majority of parents make assumptions and presumptions regarding various aspects while seeking a spouse for their children. In addition, they are confused between the words Love, Obligation and Responsibility. Some parents assume giving dowry is due to their love for their daughter, some consider it as their obligation and some consider it as their […]

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  • Memorable Day of Life

    Memorable Day of Life

    Couples make elaborate wedding and honeymoon plans to make wedding the most memorable day of life but none for a life together. Additionally, many are looking for spouses to marry without looking at their responsibilities in a marriage. How ridiculous would it be for a person to go to a job interview without having read […]

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  • A Stitch in Time Saves Nine

    A Stitch in Time Saves Nine

    When a marital proposal is made some questions play a very crucial role in setting right many an expectations from all concerned. At this stage, a majority of them either ignore or hesitate to ask some crucial questions. Once this opportunity is lost, the spouses, parents and in-laws face a lot of trauma when situations […]

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  • To Mein Ye Rishta Pakka Samjhoon

    To Mein Ye Rishta Pakka Samjhoon

    VEERU: Maaji, bas itna samajh lo ke ghar mein sirf Bete ki kamai se kuch nahin hota. Aur uspar ghar ke kaam kaaj bhi bahut hotey hain na? Ek aur kamaai ho aur ghar ke kaam karnewaali ho to zindagi badi aasaan hojathi hai. Bhayya ka byah ho jaaye to dahej bhi milega na? MAAJI: […]

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  • Socially Apathetic

    Socially Apathetic

    Communication involves the imparting or interchanging of thoughts, opinions, or information among people by speech, writing, or signs.  In everyday life, a great deal of information is communicated through signs, symbols and written texts e.g. labels on food packages, traffic signs, street signs, company signs, safety signs, business signs, danger signs, zodiac signs, religious signs, […]

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  • Marital Expectations

    Marital Expectations

    A well knit family whose members are loving, affectionate, religious, educated, cultured and socially active starts crumbling, disintegrating, and the attitude of the family turns hostile, vicious, monstrous and sometimes murderous resulting in a drastic transformation such as the beauty and the beast. What can cause a collapse in the family ties? What can bring […]

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  • Main aur Meri Tanhai

    Main aur Meri Tanhai

    Bridegroom:  Main aur meri tanhai aksar yeh baatein kartein hain Dahej na hota to keisa hota, Na ladki pareshan hoti na maabaap pareshan hotey. Na wo kisi baat pe hairaan hotey, Na ladkiyan kisi baat pe afsos karti Na Bahoo ko yun jalaya jaata, Na gharse yun nikala jaata Na Maabaap ko sood pe kharza […]

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  • Employment Offer for a Wife

    Employment Offer for a Wife

    Every employee knows and understands the value of an “Employment Contract”, probation, appraisal, increment etc.  Salary, facilities and perks play a significant role for an employee. Suppose a person is offered a post in a company where no contract is signed and the employee is unaware of his salary, perks, rights and duties, etc; and […]

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  • CONDEMNED AND CONDONED TERRORISM

    Terrorism has created extreme fear in the hearts of every common man. Terrorist attacks are deplorable and reprehensible that touches the core of a society and negates the most basic human rights. However, it is shocking to note that there lays a very huge difference between terror attacks that are condemned and deplored globally and […]

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  • Dowrywali Dulhania Le Jayenge

    Dowrywali Dulhania Le Jayenge

    Dowrywali Dulhania Le Jayenge Ye Kudiyaan Dowry Di Pudiyaan Ye Munde Fakhir De Kunde Ye Kudiyaan Dowry Di Pudiyaan Ye Munde Fakhir De Kunde Dowry Di Pudiyaan Fakhir De Kunde O  Jewelry kharidke rakhna Gaddi saja ke rakhna Jewelry kharidke rakhna Gaddi saja ke rakhna Lene Tujhse Wo Dowry Aayenge Tere Sajna Jewelry kharidke rakhna […]

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  • 2nd Anniversary Celebration

    2nd Anniversary Celebration

    Dear Readers, Hello and As Salamualaykum! The Muslim Wedding Flight was launched on 31st December 2012 with a vision to bring awareness on some of the decadent social evils in the society. Today, it marks the 2nd Anniversary of a beautiful journey with your support and kind appreciation. In these two years, attempts have been […]

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  • Socially Approved Kidnapping

    Socially Approved Kidnapping

    Dear Readers, Greetings! The spread of many social evils like dowry, child marriage, domestic violence, rape, sexual harassment, exploitation of women, kidnapping, etc. have marred the Indian Society and present a tarnished image to the whole world.  One of these social evils is kidnapping for ransom.  Bride kidnapping and socially approved kidnapping are also prevalent […]

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  • Reel And Real Life

    Reel And Real Life

    The Creator has designed different roles for human beings. However, these roles differ between Reel and Real Life. Actors and actresses bring characters to life and deliver believable and effective performances by memorizing lines and actions from scripts. They study scripts, rehearse performances and ensure that they conform the emotions, gestures and facial expressions to […]

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  • Are We Smart?

    Are We Smart?

    We live in an era of smart technology, smart phones, smart goals, smart cars, smart TVs, smart homes, smart traveler programs, smart schools, smart watches, smart music, etc. However, the million dollar question is Are We Smart? Modern technology has broadened options for travel, school, communication, entertainment, work, etc. Lives have been improved through convenience, […]

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  • Stop Bargaining and Start Negotiating

    Stop Bargaining and Start Negotiating

    Bargaining also known as haggling is an art in which most Indians particularly women have specialized.  Any purchase that results in a confrontation over price where some savings have been made seems worthy. It’s now time to stop bargaining and start negotiating.   However, bargaining power has been limited to haggling over the price of […]

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  • Huge Dowry or Huge Differences

    Huge Dowry or Huge Differences

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  • Log Kya Kahenge

    Log Kya Kahenge

    There are many phobias and fears. Phobias of spiders, snakes, heights, water, tunnels, bridges, social rejection, examinations etc. Fears such as, fear of survival, fear of death, fear of the unknown, fear of uncertainty and unpredictably, etc. People develop specific fears as a result of learning. Fear can be learned by experiencing or watching a […]

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  • The Dowry Iceberg

    The Dowry Iceberg

    RMS Titanic was a British passenger liner that sank in the North Atlantic Ocean in the early morning of 15 April 1912 after colliding with an iceberg during her maiden voyage from Southampton, UK to New York City, US. The sinking of Titanic caused the deaths of more than 1,500 people in one of the […]

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  • Kaun Banega Pati Aur Lakhpati

    Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? (Sometimes informally known as Millionaire) is an International Television game show franchise of British origin, created in 1998 by David Briggs, Mike Whitehill, and Steven Knight. Kaun Banega Crorepati (Who will become a Millionaire; popularly known as KBC) is an Indian television game show based on the UK game […]

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  • Prevention Is Better Than Cure

    Prevention is better than cure is an old saying which means that we should prevent a disease by observing hygiene instead of letting the disease spread by causing further complications and deterioration and needing lots of efforts to cure it. Those who do not observe it usually suffer. When we nip the bud in the […]

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  • SAAS Compatible

    SAAS Compatible

    Compatibility is normally based on family, social and financial status, religious and cultural background, lineage,  core beliefs and values. Compatibility is also based on some of the following factors: Name Birth Chart Rashi and Nakshatra Numerology Horoscope Natal Chart Moon Charts Lagna Charts The families arrive at a decision after having undergone a lengthy process of […]

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  • What is Love?

    What is Love?

    When we ask What is love? Everyone says, Love is Giving Love is a Choice Love is Kindness Love is Empathy Love is Harmony Love is Devotion Love is Goodness Love is Friendship Love is Compassion Love is Attachment Love is being Tolerant Love is being Obedient Love is showing Respect Love is showing Understanding […]

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  • Eid Mubarak

    Eid Mubarak

    Dear Readers, Hello and As Salamualaykum! WISHING YOU ALL A VERY JOYOUS EID   Fayaz Pasha   Related posts: Thank You All Ramadan Mubarak Is he still a student?

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  • Is he still a student?

    Is he still a student?

    Dear Readers, Hello and As Salamualaykum! The Holy month of Ramadan is coming to a close for Muslims around the world. It is a time when millions reflect and pray for change.  Once prophet (SM) was climbing his pulpit in Madina, and his pulpit had 3 steps. Every step he climbed, he said Ameen; hearing […]

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  • A Prayer Of The Prey

    A Prayer Of The Prey

    Hello and As Salamualaykum! Ramadan is half way through and the blessed month will soon end with the celebration of Eid-Ul-Fitr. Those who understood the significance of this blessed month would certainly reap the blessings of Almighty Allah and those who observed it as a yearly ritual wouldn’t be able to perceive it until they […]

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  • Ramadan Mubarak

    Ramadan Mubarak

    Ramadan is much more than fasting.  It is a workshop where Muslims get trained to re-evaluate their lives in the light of Islamic guidance. It is essentially a month to detox physically, mentally and spiritually. Through fasting, a Muslim experiences hunger and thirst, and sympathizes with those in the world who have little to eat […]

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  • Weapons of Mass Destruction

    Weapons of Mass Destruction

    We know that the Weapons of  Mass Destruction by definition Are those that kill a large number of  people and their habitation.   Destructive weapons are chemical, biological, radio-logical and nuclear But all those who stand for peace and harmony have amassed these weapons is very peculiar   Countries vie with each other to buy […]

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  • Blog Roll

    Blog Roll

    Please find below links to some of the truly inspiring, motivating and informative blogs from the blogging fraternity.    Dowry  and Female Feticides http://www.itsagirlmovie.com/ http://saynotodowryenglish.blogspot.com/ http://www.firstpost.com/tag/dowry http://saynodowry.com/ http://www.boloji.com/index.cfm?md=Content&sd=Articles&ArticleID=1911 http://manasij.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/dowry/ http://blogs.thenewstribe.com/blog/67490/say-no-to-dowry-loud-clear/#.UNC1xm_qmSo http://twocircles.net/2012sep07/young_generation_urged_say_%E2%80%98no_dowry.html http://www.causes.com/causes/268995-anti-dowry-campaign-say-no-to-dowry Marriage http://www.srilankamuslims.net/nice-graphic-about-muslim-marriage-dowry/ http://muslimmarriages.wordpress.com/ http://imcv-marriage.blogspot.com/ http://deltawomen.blogspot.com/2012/12/mysore-marriage-curse-of-muslim-women.html http://www.weddinglegend.com/muslim-wedding-traditions/ http://muslimspice.com/why-american-muslim-women-cannot-get-married http://www.atlantabeez.org/muslim-marriages-experiencing-high-rate-of-divorce/ http://blog.halfourdeen.com/ http://www.muslimmarriageadvice.com/a-blessing-of-paradise/ http://islam44.blogspot.com/2012/11/find-muslim-life-partner-muslim.html http://theduncanadventures.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-first-omani-muslim-wedding.html http://nour-dv.org.uk/2012/09/10/muslim-marriage-certificate-review/ http://www.islam-muslim.net/muslim-marriage-shaadi/ http://www.lovemydress.net/blog/2012/08/muslim-wedding-explosion-of-colour-and-style.html http://www.aware.org.sg/2012/07/rethinking-the-muslim-marriage-contract/ http://blog.naseeb.com/2012/10/problems-faced-by-muslim-couples-after-marriage/ http://www.muslimweddingtips.com/muslim-marriage-contract/ http://islamiclearningmaterials.com/7-warning-signs-your-marriage-trouble/ http://blog.rukhsanakhan.com/date/2012/12/ Self-Development http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/50-of-the-best-personal-development-blogs/ http://www.persistenceunlimited.com/2007/07/the-top-50-blogs-that-will-unleash-your-motivation/ […]

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  • Word a Day

    Word a Day

    Word of the Day Word of the Day provided by TheFreeDictionary   Quote of the Day Quote of the Day provided by TheFreeDictionary   Article of the Day Article of the Day provided by TheFreeDictionary   This Day in History This Day in History provided by TheFreeDictionary   Today’s Birthday Today’s Birthday provided by TheFreeDictionary […]

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  • Why Marry?

    Unfortunately, these are some of the (unmentioned) reasons that some parents conceal when deciding to marry their children: • Our son is frivolous and we hope that he will learn his responsibilities once he gets married. • The mother is old and sick and we need a woman (daughter in-law) who will look after the […]

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A Prisoner by Choice

| February 12, 2014 | 12 Comments

The other day while reading about prisoners of Nazi Camp, it occurred to me that apart from destiny there are also many who are prisoners by choice.  Some people are searched and apprehended while some willingly walk into the trap. Below are a few examples:

Criminal Prisoners: 
People who involve in criminal activities are searched; caught and punished or detained behind bars to serve their terms.

Prisoners of War: 
People whether combatant or non-combatant are held in custody by an enemy power during or immediately after an armed conflict.

Occupational Prisoners: 
Many people wish to live an independent life by pursuing their own passion and have little or no desire to work. However, they are forced to seek employment and hence search, apply and agree to spend a major portion of their lives at a cubicle. The following lines make it clearer:

  • In Prison : you spend the majority of your time in a 10×10 cell. 
  • At Work : you spend the majority of your time in an 8×8 cubicle.
  • In Prison : you get three meals a day. 
  • At Work : you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
  • In Prison : you get time off for good behavior. 
  • At Work : you get more work for good behavior.
  • In Prison : the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. 
  • At Work : you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself. 
  • In Prison : you can watch TV and play games. 
  • At Work : you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
  • In Prison : you get your own toilet. 
  • At Work : you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat. 
  • In Prison : they allow your family and friends to visit. 
  • At Work : you aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.
  • In Prison : all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required. 
  • At Work : you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. 
  • In Prison : you must deal with sadistic wardens. 
  • At Work : they are called managers.

Marital Prisoners: 
People, who search, apply, agree and celebrate to spend the rest of their lives as life-partners but breach the partnership resulting in one of them becoming a victim and a marital prisoner for life.

Some of the reasons that force them to become prisoners for life:

  • Unmarried Siblings
  • Having Kids.
  • Fear of Loneliness.
  • Feeling comfortable with status, wealth and its benefits.
  • Still in love with the partner.
  • Fear of Society.
  • Unable to hurt feelings of partner or parents.
  • A hope that the partner will change some day.

Below are a few cases of such marital prisoners:

  • The decision to marry 10 years ago, was partly mine, but was heavily influenced by church people and our parents – who would not stand for any other life style but marriage. I can’t help but feel I need a break from my marriage – however ridiculous that sounds. I feel like I am in a prison.
  • I am a 36-year-old woman. A Mother and a wife of someone with whom I’ve become very disconnected. After over three years of pain and anguish, marriage counselling, deliberation and overall agony, I have no doubt that my marriage is over and that I need to move on. It’s very clear to me, and the few who know me best, that this situation is now a prison of sorts, and I’ve been struggling to break free.
  • I stayed for 10 years in a dead, abusive marriage. All it did was wear me down and feed my insecurities. The whole marriage was a big mistake…a nightmare.
  • My marriage was dead from the honeymoon on, and I stayed over 20 years.
  • I spent all of my first 16 years listening to and seeing my parents fight. Not a day went by without a big blowup. I lay in bed, at 5 a.m., and listened to one or the other one say, “If it wasn’t for Pat, I’d leave you”……
  • I am a divorced mother of an 8 year old little boy. His father and I were married for 5 years. Our son had been 4 yrs old for 2 days, when our divorce was final. For 3 years, we went to marriage counseling, read tons of relationship books, attended church and had meetings with our pastor, etc. In the end, I realized that I absolutely could not stay in a loveless marriage, where he learned unhealthy relationship habits.
  • I have been married for nearly ten years. I have two children, I’ve never met my in-laws in a nice manner (they shout abuse at me in streets) but no other communication. My husband does not live with me or provide for me and kids maybe when he feels like being generous. I don’t ever argue with him I just keep quiet.

We thoroughly plan for festivals, celebrations, parties or picnics to make them most memorable. However, in case of some of the most crucial matters related to marriage such as background check, medical check-up, pre-marital agreement, etc., we assume or presume that everything will be alright after the marriage or leave it for destiny to solve. If parents and those seeking marriage ponder over the post-marital concerns, issues and problems, they would certainly take some necessary measures.

On one side, the fulfillment of one of the biggest obligations of marrying the daughter and the prospect of receiving various gifts and goodies on the other side usually leaves no room for further questions.

Instead of blindly getting on board the marital journey and becoming a marital prisoner, it is much better if you take the requisite measures and become aware, do some research, get guidance, counsel, and most of all know what you really want in a marriage before you say YES!

Do you wish to spend the rest of your life as a prisoner by choice?

 

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About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.

Comments (12)

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  1. Nilse says:

    , In our culture, you marry first and then learn to love the pesorn. I had a hard time with it then, but later realized it’s kind of like having a baby. You don’t chose your baby first. You get the baby you get, and then you learn to love it.In some ways, I think many marriages in our parents’ generation were arranged except they were arranged by circumstance. Most of them didn’t look very romantic, but I’ll bet a lot of those couples learned to love one another.

  2. sindhoooo says:

    Love the way you deal with serious issues in a funny way :) Had a good laugh reading the beginning part and completed reading with a sigh! Thank God, I am not a prisoner! I have a loving and caring family, by God’s grace and of course by choice :)

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me
    sindhoooo recently posted…DIY Spray PaintingMy Profile

  3. Athenas Take says:

    You have a great vision and you are making others look through your eyes and see what sort of problems and troubles they are walking into. May God bless you and may your awareness drives touch the sky.
    Athenas Take recently posted…In The Name Of CustomsMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thank you Athenas and I do pray Almighty God that these awareness drives may help the Society in getting rid of the pain and suffering of many parents and those who are seeking a life partner may find happiness and prosperity in their marital journeys.

  4. Anita says:

    Relevant & so true! Very correct observations….

  5. Enjoyed it a lot…wonderful post :-)
    Maniparna Sengupta Majumder recently posted…The ChimeraMy Profile

  6. Renuka says:

    Oh my goodness! Really entertaining to read, but I am sure, not for the ones who are chained in some way. :) It’s all up to an individual. Nobody is going to give you the freedom, you have to practice it yourself.

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