• Arranged but Forced Marriages

    Arranged but Forced Marriages

    Most parents desire that their daughters find a suitable match and settle down in life. Parents do have some concerns regarding society, difficulty in finding a better suitor or obstacles in parenthood in case of a delayed marriage and/or getting their children married before retirement so that they do not have financial difficulties. However, there […]

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  • Marriage Is Not a Wild Card Entry

    Marriage Is Not a Wild Card Entry

    Marriage is not a wild card entry where the Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law get into a competition to prove themselves. Marriage is a partnership between MIL and DIL.  This partnership should allow them to live in harmony with encouragement and support from each other in individual pursuits so as to reach their potential.  On the other […]

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  • Successful and Unsuccessful People

    Successful and Unsuccessful People

    Dear Readers, Hello and As Salamualaykum! Another year has passed by and we once again have new resolutions, goals and aspirations and hope to achieve them in 2016.  However, we need to know some of the traits of successful and unsuccessful people: It is evident that all our expectations to see the change in the […]

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  • Dowry is an obligation

    Dowry is an obligation

    Dowry is an obligation of Islamic marriage.  The Mahr (dowry) is something that is paid by the man to his wife. It is paid to the wife as an honor and a respect and to show that he has a serious desire to marry her and is not simply entering into the marriage contract without […]

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  • The Lighter Side of Matrimonial Ads

    The Lighter Side of Matrimonial Ads

    While we read matrimonial ads, we do wonder about some of the peculiar things that are mentioned in those ads. Below are a few ads that bring the lighter side of matrimonial ads: Salesman: Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor’s around is now […]

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  • What causes delays in marriages?

    What causes delays in marriages?

    In a job interview the applicants are questioned about their skills, ambitions, motivation, team working, personality and interests, etc.  However, criteria for a marriage proposal interview is entirely different. What causes delays in marriages is certainly not because of lack of certain aspects related to skills, ambitions, personality, interests or hobbies. Qualified, experienced and skilled candidates work […]

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  • Suicide As A Last Resort

    Suicide As A Last Resort

    Day in and day out we hear or read about suicides committed by young married women such as: “A 22-year-old woman was being harassed by her husband for trivial reasons. Unable to bear harassment, she resorted to the extreme step by setting herself ablaze on November 4 where she succumbed on Sunday night. A 28-year-old […]

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  • Inquire and Investigate

    When we intend to buy a car, a smart phone, a laptop or a television we inquire and investigate and do enormous research on the internet, seek advice from friends and relatives and then decide to purchase. Suppose the purchased product is defective or malfunctions, we have an option to exchange or get a refund. […]

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  • Everything will be alright

    Everything will be alright

    The phrase “Everything will be alright” is generally used under stressful circumstances in order to pacify or motivate the affected person. However, when this phrase is used to convince a son/daughter to accept a marriage proposal, it is very dangerous because some assumptions have been made that could go wrong and result in a miserable […]

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  • A Beautiful Girl and a Rich Boy

    In a marital bond there are many aspects that impact the relationship than what is assumed by a majority as necessary.   In a majority of matrimonial advertisements, a beautiful girl and a rich boy are sought for a marriage proposal.   A few such advertisements are cited below: Looking for Engineer (B.Tech / MS) […]

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  • Blog Roll

    Blog Roll

    Please find below links to some of the truly inspiring, motivating and informative blogs from the blogging fraternity.    Dowry  and Female Feticides http://www.itsagirlmovie.com/ http://saynotodowryenglish.blogspot.com/ http://www.firstpost.com/tag/dowry http://saynodowry.com/ http://www.boloji.com/index.cfm?md=Content&sd=Articles&ArticleID=1911 http://manasij.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/dowry/ http://blogs.thenewstribe.com/blog/67490/say-no-to-dowry-loud-clear/#.UNC1xm_qmSo http://twocircles.net/2012sep07/young_generation_urged_say_%E2%80%98no_dowry.html http://www.causes.com/causes/268995-anti-dowry-campaign-say-no-to-dowry Marriage http://www.srilankamuslims.net/nice-graphic-about-muslim-marriage-dowry/ http://muslimmarriages.wordpress.com/ http://imcv-marriage.blogspot.com/ http://deltawomen.blogspot.com/2012/12/mysore-marriage-curse-of-muslim-women.html http://www.weddinglegend.com/muslim-wedding-traditions/ http://muslimspice.com/why-american-muslim-women-cannot-get-married http://www.atlantabeez.org/muslim-marriages-experiencing-high-rate-of-divorce/ http://blog.halfourdeen.com/ http://www.muslimmarriageadvice.com/a-blessing-of-paradise/ http://islam44.blogspot.com/2012/11/find-muslim-life-partner-muslim.html http://theduncanadventures.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-first-omani-muslim-wedding.html http://nour-dv.org.uk/2012/09/10/muslim-marriage-certificate-review/ http://www.islam-muslim.net/muslim-marriage-shaadi/ http://www.lovemydress.net/blog/2012/08/muslim-wedding-explosion-of-colour-and-style.html http://www.aware.org.sg/2012/07/rethinking-the-muslim-marriage-contract/ http://blog.naseeb.com/2012/10/problems-faced-by-muslim-couples-after-marriage/ http://www.muslimweddingtips.com/muslim-marriage-contract/ http://islamiclearningmaterials.com/7-warning-signs-your-marriage-trouble/ http://blog.rukhsanakhan.com/date/2012/12/ Self-Development http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/50-of-the-best-personal-development-blogs/ http://www.persistenceunlimited.com/2007/07/the-top-50-blogs-that-will-unleash-your-motivation/ […]

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  • Contact

    Contact

        Please follow and like us:0 var addthis_config = { url: “http://muslimweddingflight.com/contact”, title: “Contact” }

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  • Word a Day

    Word a Day

    Word of the Day Word of the Day provided by TheFreeDictionary   Quote of the Day Quote of the Day provided by TheFreeDictionary   Article of the Day Article of the Day provided by TheFreeDictionary   This Day in History This Day in History provided by TheFreeDictionary   Today’s Birthday Today’s Birthday provided by TheFreeDictionary […]

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  • Why Marry?

    Unfortunately, these are some of the (unmentioned) reasons that some parents conceal when deciding to marry their children: • Our son is frivolous and we hope that he will learn his responsibilities once he gets married. • The mother is old and sick and we need a woman (daughter in-law) who will look after the […]

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  • Marriage Planning

    Marriage Planning

    “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail’ Benjamin Franklin         Planning can be defined as a mental process to achieve some predetermined goals based on facts rather than guesses.  Some of the areas that require planning are : Life Goals, Personality, Academic/Religious Qualifications, Essential Skills, Hobbies and Interests,  Well-Being and Social Interests.  A […]

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A Prisoner by Choice

| February 12, 2014 | 12 Comments

The other day while reading about prisoners of Nazi Camp, it occurred to me that apart from destiny there are also many who are prisoners by choice.  Some people are searched and apprehended while some willingly walk into the trap. Below are a few examples:

Criminal Prisoners: 
People who involve in criminal activities are searched; caught and punished or detained behind bars to serve their terms.

Prisoners of War: 
People whether combatant or non-combatant are held in custody by an enemy power during or immediately after an armed conflict.

Occupational Prisoners: 
Many people wish to live an independent life by pursuing their own passion and have little or no desire to work. However, they are forced to seek employment and hence search, apply and agree to spend a major portion of their lives at a cubicle. The following lines make it clearer:

  • In Prison : you spend the majority of your time in a 10×10 cell. 
  • At Work : you spend the majority of your time in an 8×8 cubicle.
  • In Prison : you get three meals a day. 
  • At Work : you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
  • In Prison : you get time off for good behavior. 
  • At Work : you get more work for good behavior.
  • In Prison : the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. 
  • At Work : you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself. 
  • In Prison : you can watch TV and play games. 
  • At Work : you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
  • In Prison : you get your own toilet. 
  • At Work : you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat. 
  • In Prison : they allow your family and friends to visit. 
  • At Work : you aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.
  • In Prison : all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required. 
  • At Work : you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. 
  • In Prison : you must deal with sadistic wardens. 
  • At Work : they are called managers.

Marital Prisoners: 
People, who search, apply, agree and celebrate to spend the rest of their lives as life-partners but breach the partnership resulting in one of them becoming a victim and a marital prisoner for life.

Some of the reasons that force them to become prisoners for life:

  • Unmarried Siblings
  • Having Kids.
  • Fear of Loneliness.
  • Feeling comfortable with status, wealth and its benefits.
  • Still in love with the partner.
  • Fear of Society.
  • Unable to hurt feelings of partner or parents.
  • A hope that the partner will change some day.

Below are a few cases of such marital prisoners:

  • The decision to marry 10 years ago, was partly mine, but was heavily influenced by church people and our parents – who would not stand for any other life style but marriage. I can’t help but feel I need a break from my marriage – however ridiculous that sounds. I feel like I am in a prison.
  • I am a 36-year-old woman. A Mother and a wife of someone with whom I’ve become very disconnected. After over three years of pain and anguish, marriage counselling, deliberation and overall agony, I have no doubt that my marriage is over and that I need to move on. It’s very clear to me, and the few who know me best, that this situation is now a prison of sorts, and I’ve been struggling to break free.
  • I stayed for 10 years in a dead, abusive marriage. All it did was wear me down and feed my insecurities. The whole marriage was a big mistake…a nightmare.
  • My marriage was dead from the honeymoon on, and I stayed over 20 years.
  • I spent all of my first 16 years listening to and seeing my parents fight. Not a day went by without a big blowup. I lay in bed, at 5 a.m., and listened to one or the other one say, “If it wasn’t for Pat, I’d leave you”……
  • I am a divorced mother of an 8 year old little boy. His father and I were married for 5 years. Our son had been 4 yrs old for 2 days, when our divorce was final. For 3 years, we went to marriage counseling, read tons of relationship books, attended church and had meetings with our pastor, etc. In the end, I realized that I absolutely could not stay in a loveless marriage, where he learned unhealthy relationship habits.
  • I have been married for nearly ten years. I have two children, I’ve never met my in-laws in a nice manner (they shout abuse at me in streets) but no other communication. My husband does not live with me or provide for me and kids maybe when he feels like being generous. I don’t ever argue with him I just keep quiet.

We thoroughly plan for festivals, celebrations, parties or picnics to make them most memorable. However, in case of some of the most crucial matters related to marriage such as background check, medical check-up, pre-marital agreement, etc., we assume or presume that everything will be alright after the marriage or leave it for destiny to solve. If parents and those seeking marriage ponder over the post-marital concerns, issues and problems, they would certainly take some necessary measures.

On one side, the fulfillment of one of the biggest obligations of marrying the daughter and the prospect of receiving various gifts and goodies on the other side usually leaves no room for further questions.

Instead of blindly getting on board the marital journey and becoming a marital prisoner, it is much better if you take the requisite measures and become aware, do some research, get guidance, counsel, and most of all know what you really want in a marriage before you say YES!

Do you wish to spend the rest of your life as a prisoner by choice?

 

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About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.

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Comments (12)

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  1. Nilse says:

    , In our culture, you marry first and then learn to love the pesorn. I had a hard time with it then, but later realized it’s kind of like having a baby. You don’t chose your baby first. You get the baby you get, and then you learn to love it.In some ways, I think many marriages in our parents’ generation were arranged except they were arranged by circumstance. Most of them didn’t look very romantic, but I’ll bet a lot of those couples learned to love one another.

  2. sindhoooo says:

    Love the way you deal with serious issues in a funny way :) Had a good laugh reading the beginning part and completed reading with a sigh! Thank God, I am not a prisoner! I have a loving and caring family, by God’s grace and of course by choice :)

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me

  3. Athenas Take says:

    You have a great vision and you are making others look through your eyes and see what sort of problems and troubles they are walking into. May God bless you and may your awareness drives touch the sky.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thank you Athenas and I do pray Almighty God that these awareness drives may help the Society in getting rid of the pain and suffering of many parents and those who are seeking a life partner may find happiness and prosperity in their marital journeys.

  4. Anita says:

    Relevant & so true! Very correct observations….

  5. Enjoyed it a lot…wonderful post :-)

  6. Renuka says:

    Oh my goodness! Really entertaining to read, but I am sure, not for the ones who are chained in some way. :) It’s all up to an individual. Nobody is going to give you the freedom, you have to practice it yourself.

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