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Premarital Planning and Preparation

| December 18, 2013 | 15 Comments

Hello and As Salamualaykum,

While I was reading an article regarding the various entrance exams and the required efforts, planning and preparation to pass those exams, I wondered if at all any planning or preparation is made for a life long journey called “Marriage”.  

The following is an attempt to highlight the need for Premarital Planning and Preparation which is totally neglected in our Society:

In India, career building is an important issue for both children and their parents. What career to choose, how to get to the best institution ensuring a bright future in the chosen career and finally how to prepare for the entrance exams are few questions that create a storm in the minds of the candidates.

Entrance Exam is a prerequisite for gaining admissions in professional courses like Engineering, Medical, Dental, Management and Law across India. These exams may be administered at any level of education, from primary to higher education, although they are more common at higher levels.

Some of the popular entrance exams:

  • CAT (Common Admission Test)
  • JEE (Joint Entrance Exam)
  • GATE (Graduate Aptitude Test in Engineering)
  • NEET (National Eligibility Cum Entrance Test)
  • UGC-NET (University Grants Commission – National Eligibility Test)
  • Common Law Admission Test
  • UPSC (Union Public Service Commission)
  • AIMS (Medical Entrance Exam)
  • XAT (School of Business & Human Resources)
  • BITSAT (Birla Institute of Technology)

Preparation for Entrance Exams includes:

  • Getting familiar with content and format of the tests.
  • Improving skills for test taking
  • Reviewing notes and study guides
  • Forming study groups
  • Improving English and Maths as they are very important subjects for entrance exams.
  • Getting a tutor.
  • Attempting multiple practice tests.
  • Preparing checklists

Marriage is a life-long journey that needs adequate planning and preparation. However the only planning that is done is for the Wedding Day.

Below is a sample checklist for planning a wedding:

  • Wedding budget
  • Events to be organized
  • Choice of Venue
  • Guest List
  • Wedding outfits
  • Catering
  • Videographers, photographers
  • Jewelry
  • Wedding cake design and order
  • Invitations
  • Transportation
  • Choose bridal makeup artist
  • Learn dancing lessons for reception
  • Beauty treatments and Makeup

guest list    invitations     catering

wedding-cakes-2013-designer-mumbai-21               wedding-checklist


Note: If parents can’t manage the above, they hire a wedding planner to assist in the planning process.

If you look at the above wedding checklist, you’ll find that wedding planning and preparation involves even more effort than the Entrance Exams. However, in all of the above planning process, we do not notice even a single aspect to assist, educate, guide or groom the person planning to get married. All aspects are planned in precision just for “ONE DAY” and there’s nothing for the whole journey of life.

A person who is the son of a contractor is introduced to you. He has no knowledge or experience about the various aspects of building a house as he never engaged in the construction business due to Schooling. Will you engage him to build your house?

However, a home-maker or Bread-winner who has been studying in the College and know nothing about the various duties and responsibilities as a spouse is one fine day given the ticket to the marital journey without any preparation.  All that is told is to be cautious, overpowering or docile and patient. With this meager information, they board the wedding flight and thus we are witnessing myriad problems in the Society. Even if the cat says “Meow”, the couple is ready to divorce.

What aspects do you think should be part of the planning and preparation process enabling the prospective bride and bridegroom to make their marital journey happy and successful?

Your feedback and support to spread this awareness is highly appreciated.

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About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.

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Comments (15)

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  1. Indrani says:

    If both parties are novices then I guess it is okay, they do learn from mistakes. Else may be living-in relationship without serious commitments can be solution.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      No company would appoint a novice for a Managing Director’s post. Similarly, handing over the responsibility of a Spouse and later that of a parent to a novice would be terrible. Learning by mistakes takes decades and the whole family and the society suffers in the long run. Live-in relationships have already been disastrous in the West and they create more problems in the Society and are not the solution.

  2. Ramprasad says:

    The article is good and determines the typical Muslim style. For Muslim Weddings many of the traditions are followed which includes all the rituals to be followed during the wedding ceremony.
    Muslim Wedding Invitations

  3. sindhoooo says:

    Nice post! I think, trend is slowly changing. Some 30-40 years ago, parents used to decide. Now, the bride and the groom (would be) talk to each other and take decision if they can live together or not. One more change we can observe is, moral values are losing importance and decision making sometimes depends on the economical status of the other party. Allwe can say that ‘Kalaya Thasmai Namaha’!

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    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thanks Sindhoo. Winston Churchill said “To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often”. We should embrace changes, the Society should accept changes but those changes should help to improve the present situation or circumstances. If the would-be bride and bridegroom are part of the decision making process, its better, for they are the one who will embark on the long marital journey. However, all these changes should be within the umbrella of moral and ethical codes.

  4. Athenas Take says:

    There should be a lot of parameters set and having certain classes would be a good idea. I think there are two aspects which need to be taught and that is everything can be worked out and you don’t need divorce for every little problem. The second is vital and that is if you are being abused then that relationship is only dead weight and you need to get out.
    Athenas Take recently posted…Oh No ! Exams Again..My Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Very true! A short premarital course would work as a compass for the couple in their marital journey. Most of the outdoor games have a coach to guide the players. Similarly, coaching the couple would go a long way in making them better partners in the absence of which they live like opponents leading to divorces.

  5. I read some of your post and I learned a lot from it. Thanks for posting such interesting articles.

  6. Adil syed says:

    Meaning full article fayaz bhai. thank you.

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