Most often we are concerned about the wedding and all our energies are consumed planning for the event. A lot of preparation and dedication goes into the Wedding plan that generates a checklist (sometimes more than 5-7 pages) containing instructions to be followed for a period of 11 Months before Wedding to 1 Week after the wedding. The difference between an event and the journey of a lifetime goes unrecognized.
A majority of the following would have held a grand wedding. The wedding plans would have been perfect. However, some matters that weren’t thought of before the wedding have ruined the marital journey. A brief summary of various online questions pertaining to post-marital problems is mentioned below:
- (03-06/2010) – My husband has been out of work since 2002. He wakes up at 3, 4, and 5 in the afternoon. He has even woken up at 8 or 9 o’clock in the evening. He then plays on the computer all night and goes to bed at 6 or 7 in the morning.
- my sister’s husband does not like my sister coming to her parents house and her sister and brothers going to her house, he now wants to move far away but my sister is not willing because he does not treat her properly, and the situation is coming down to the divorce stage.
- I am married to a woman who cannot have children. After two years of marriage she wants to have children by means of in-vitro fertilization, but I do not want to have any children.
- My husband does not let me work or study, but I think that I am able for that. Does he have the right to prevent me from working or studying? He is not listening to me and that hurts my feelings.
- I married my maternal cousin a month and a half ago, and I do not feel happy with this marriage, because she does not show much respect to me and she goes out of the house a lot to visit her family, and she does not obey me in some matters. One day she said: I want separate accommodation. My mother says: If you live with your wife in a separate house I will never enter your house, and neither will your brother or anyone else in your family. Now I am in a bad situation.
- I received a proposal for a person who was not at all good looking and even physically very slim. I was asked about the proposal, I asked two questions, is the person good by his nature and educated. That was it about my inquiry for him. I got married in January. I looked at him for first time 20 yrs older than me and also learnt that he carried a genetic disease.
- I was married to an epilepsy patient. Me and my mother was not informed by the wife`s parents that their daughter was an epilepsy patient, After two months of marriage she got her epilepsy fit.
- I was married when I was 15 years old and my husband left me after 10 months of our marriage (he didn’t divorce me) and never turned up till date.
- My wife has asked to stop keeping relations with my family. According to her, their presence in our life only causes problems for us.
- A woman was allegedly beaten to death by her husband after she opposed his drinking habits; the couple got married seven months back.
- When Siew threatened to divorce her husband if he continued to come home late, he swung a plate, striking her in the head and knocking her to the floor. He then bashed his wife’s bloodied head on the floor until she became unconscious and then realized she was dead.
A few questions that a bride can discuss/include in the Pre-marital Agreement:
- Do the father- and mother-in-law and the husband’s brothers and sisters have the right to enter my room with or without permission?
- To what extent should I obey them with regard to my clothing, cooking, childcare, keeping house and going out of the house?
- Do the In-Laws have the right to interfere in our marital life?
- Do they have any rights with regard to our work, where we live, education and the like?
- Do I have to ask their permission to visit my family?
- Can a husband stop his wife from visiting her parents, and threaten her with divorce if she visits them?
- How often should she visit them in normal circumstances? What if they are ill and old and need her to look after them? What if a couple have only daughters and no sons?
We are very cautious while entering into a commercial transaction and ensure that we have a legal document to protect our rights in case of any disagreements or breach of contract. However, we forego our rights and do not consider it necessary to have a legal Agreement for the marital journey.
A breach of contract in a commercial transaction would lead to a financial loss. However, marital problems affect the spouses and their families leaving behind an emotional or psychological trauma and sometimes become the cause for the death of a spouse.
Instead of being lost in helplessness, hopelessness, and self-pity in depression; panic, regretting or seeking help for marital problems, it would be wise to draft a Pre-marital Agreement with certain conditions that are acceptable between you and your would-be spouse, agreeable by both families and have it legalized by a Notary.
Do not relinquish your rights and end up in a bad marriage and a grand wedding.
Below is a link for sample terms and conditions of the Pre-marital Agreement:
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
Source: Google.com, Islamonline.com
About the Author (Author Profile)
I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.