Knowing the Purposes of a Marriage

| October 2, 2016 | 5 Comments

Parents and those seeking a spouse are mostly worried about the wedding day and how they would be able to meet the expenses and make necessary arrangements for a smooth wedding.  However, a majority of them discard the idea of checking the veracity of the spouse’s background, getting a premarital medical checkup done or having a Prenuptial Agreement done.   Most parents are satisfied with the looks or the financial status and celebrate the wedding without knowing the purposes of a marriage.

Following are a few instances of marital challenges that would make any parent to think a thousand times before finalizing a wedding:

  • “He checks my phone every day and once he thought my girlfriend was a man, so he slapped me, pulled my hair, and insulted me in front of our daughters. That’s when everything started. Another day, I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he was in the living room and he thought I was checking after him, so he kicked me, insulted, and pushed me. After that, many more fights, insults, pulling of hair, etc. happened until he put a knife in my back. Other day, he tried to strangle me. He tells me that he is going to kill me if I do some wrong. He used to wake me up in the middle of the night to accuse me of something, of course, I didn´t do.”
  • “We got married through an arranged marriage. I barely knew any aspect of her personality prior to the marriage,” he said. “We reached a point where an entire day passed by without us talking to each other, so we got divorced.” Knowing the purposes of a marriage would be very much beneficial in establishing a good marital partnership.

‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab (R.A.) used to expel people from the market place in Medina who were not knowledgeable of the Fiqh (Islamic Laws) of buying and selling. Likewise, one should not engage in something as important as marriage without having an understanding of the purpose of marriage as well as a comprehensive understanding of the rights and obligations which it brings about.

Marriage is a natural necessity for every human being. It bears many good outcomes of which the most important ones are:

Love and Companionship:

Marriage serves the purpose of fostering love and companionship between a husband and wife, promoting their happiness, and respecting their complementary nature.

teamwork

Companionship Challenges:

I’ve taken on a lot of responsibility by marrying a single dad–who’s never around!  I feel like a roommate, a nanny, and someone he has sex with.  So I’m thinking about leaving him. I figure he’s a great guy, I love him, I’m super attracted to him, but our life together sucks. I work hard and I save my money. I clean up after myself and pay my bills just like he does, (we split all our expenses), but I need to enjoy myself too.

responsibility

I got divorced about a year ago and recently got a proposal for remarriage. I have not completely healed from the trauma of my first marriage of more than twenty years, where I was physically abused and came out emotionally scarred.  My main worry is that I don’t know how to trust men anymore; I am worried about entering into marriage without this important ingredient.

A spouse whose characteristic traits confirm with the following would be more of an ideal companion:

healthy-relationships-1
Parenthood:

Through marriage, the procreation of mankind is continued. Children are the result of marriage and are important factors in stabilizing the family foundations as well as a source of real joy to their parents.

Parenthood Challenges:

  • I would like your opinion on a matter that has weighed heavily on me for a long time. I had a Christian wedding and marriage, however, my husband would not allow our marriage to be blessed with any children for over six years and I kept telling him I wanted a baby. I divorced him; he was acting like a 5-year old about many things, finances, and not allowing children to fill the empty void in my heart and in our home. Did I do the right thing?
  • I am married for 4 years, but I haven’t been blessed with children yet. I have gone to doctors and sometimes my reports were normal and other times close to normal with little imbalance in hormones. I have been on medicine for a while. In my family everyone has been blessed with children but when my husband ill-treats me for not having children, I get really depressed. Ever since we got married, he gets angry at small things. Many times he insults me and my parents, but I keep quiet.
  • His medical reports are below normal level, but doctors have not said that we don’t have a baby because of him. I badly want to have children and my husband puts this frustration of not having kids on me as it was my fault.

A Premarital medical checkup and keenness by the spouses to have children would assist in resolving the above challenges.

Economic Security and Protection:

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Every one of you is a guardian and responsible for those in his charge; the man, in his home, is a guardian and responsible for his household; the woman, concerning her husband’s property, is a guardian and responsible for what she is entrusted with.”

Economic Challenges:

  • I work full time and have a pretty well paying job. My husband has been working seasonally and doesn’t get squat for unemployment; we struggle every winter and are never sure if we will be able to pay the bills or even the house payment. He has promised me since the first winter he was laid off that he would find a new job. Well now its 4 years later and he still has not got a new job. I have told him that we will not be able to afford to buy diapers or feed our new baby next winter if he’s not working. He doesn’t seem to care. Since November all he seems to care about is sitting on the couch watching TV and sleeping. He helps with little to nothing and if he does help I have to ask him 15 times before he will do something. I love my husband dearly but he makes me want to leave him. When I told him this he told me that I am being selfish because I don’t like the fact that he’s not working.
  • We have been married for almost a year. My husband has a good job, house and car, but he doesn’t want to financially support me. Whenever I ask him to support me, he brings excuses of his bills. He also has temper issues, although he prays 5 times a day. I am thinking about getting separated. What should I do now? How can I make him understand that Islamically he should support me. He tells me to work extra hours and support myself.

A Prenuptial Agreement wherein the Husband agrees to provide all financial needs of the family would resolve the Economic Challenge.

When seeking a spouse, it is crucially important to make sure if the aforesaid Purposes for Marriage are known and understood.

searchforspouse

Please follow and like us:
0

Tags: , , , , , ,

Category: MARITAL AWARENESS

About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.

Please follow and like us:
0

Comments (5)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Hello Fayazji,

    I think, this topic could be included as a lesson in schooling. I hope we could increase the success rate of marriages by doing so. I personally think, there will be limited problems if a child is raised properly.

    Sindhu Devi K recently posted…Indian Textiles @ Bharatiya Craft MelaMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      You are right. Unfortunately many years are spent learning but nothing related to these topics is taught at any stage. It should at least be included in the Degree Program after which many get married.

      Thank you very much for dropping by and for your kind comment.

  2. The article is about compatibility.Lack of it can be caused by either partner.Yet all your examples are of the wrong doing of husband! Boys don’t cry or are not expected to. It doesn’t mean that there is no story from that point of view as well.
    This apart I like the title of your article and what it seeks to convey….

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thank you Rajeev for your kind comment. You are absolutely right. Incompatibility on either side will ruin the relationship. My second example is of a man who divorced his wife due to incompatibility. There are many such cases where men too face incompatibility but as you said, men are required or expected to bear it with patience as they are Head of the family. It is therefore important that men and women understand the very purpose of marriage so that they find a more compatible partner.

      Thank you once again and do drop in again.

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)

WordPress Backup