Do you want your daughter or son to embark on a miserable marital journey?

| February 6, 2014 | 14 Comments

Humans believe so many lies because we aren’t aware. We ignore the truth or we just don’t see the truth. When we are educated, we accumulate a lot of knowledge, and all that knowledge is just like a wall of fog that doesn’t allow us to perceive the truth, what really is.

Miguel Angel Ruiz

In a majority of marriage proposals parents seek a spouse that is religious and educated and proposals are accepted based on conformity of these two requirements. A few examples are mentioned below:

  • Girl must be religious, beautiful, educated
  • Applicant should be extremely religious, decent & educated.
  • Groom should be religious; engineer / post Graduate
  • Seeking a well educated, religious, fair complexion Bride
  • Groom should be well educated
  • Software professional at an MNC, seeking qualified religious bride
  • Groom should be well qualified, B.E./MBA/MCA
  • Girl should be religious, graduate, beautiful and homely

However, in a majority of relationships where both partners declared that they are religious and educated, the following has been observed:

  • He has been verbally, emotionally and physically abusive.
  • She has been suffering from her husband’s bad treatment, beatings, humiliation in front of her children, in front of strangers and always throwing her out of the house.
  • I am pregnant and have serious difficulties in my marriage. I have been working to pay most of rent money, clothing expense, food, doctor bills, etc. My husband gives me some money for rent. My doctors have told me the pregnancy is “at-risk” due to my health. I have tried to quit work, but my husband disagrees. He becomes extremely angry with me at times.
  • I have been married for 8 months and have faced many problems with my husband. He started beating me very badly and stopped me from going to my friends, relatives and even my parents.
  • I have been married for 4 years and a half. My husband has an anger problem. He is extremely nervous and gets angry at everyone and everything.
  • My husband beats me a lot…he never treats me in a good manner…he is always ignoring….He gets angry on me for silly things and then starts saying bad words and all of a sudden he gets so hyper that he starts beating me brutally.

If “Educated” meant to be the holder of a Degree or Diploma Certificate and “Religious” meant to be following a few religious obligations, it is time for parents to seek a clear definition of what the words “Educated” and “Religious” mean.

The following is a thesaurus for the words “Educated and “Religious” as defined in: http://www.thefreedictionary.com

Educated:

  1. Cultured – marked by refinement in taste and manners; “cultivated speech”
  2. Lettered – highly educated; having extensive information or understanding
  3. Intellectual: Developed by or relying on the intellect rather than emotions or feelings; rational
  4. Learned: Possessing or demonstrating profound, often systematic knowledge; erudite.
  5. Informed: having much knowledge or education.
  6. Experienced: Skilled or knowledgeable as the result of active participation or practice.
  7. Polished – showing a high degree of refinement and the assurance that comes from wide social experience; “his polished manner”;
  8. Literary: versed in or acquainted with literature; well-read. 
  9. Sophisticated – intellectually appealing.
  10. Refined – (used of persons and their behavior) cultivated and genteel.
  11. Cultivated – marked by refinement in taste and manners; “cultivated speech”;
  12. Enlightened – having knowledge and spiritual insight.
  13. Knowledgeable – thoroughly acquainted through study or experience.
  14. Civilized: Showing evidence of moral and intellectual advancement; humane, ethical, and reasonable.
  15. Tasteful: Having, showing, or being in keeping with good taste.
  16. Urbane Polite, refined, and often elegant in manner.
  17. Erudite: having or showing profound knowledge;
  18. Well-Bred: Of a good family; having a good pedigree.

Religious

  1. Devout: devoted to religion or to the fulfillment of religious obligations.
  2. Believing: To have firm faith, especially religious faith.
  3. Godly: Having great reverence for God; pious.
  4. Committed – bound or obligated, as under a pledge to a particular cause, action, or attitude
  5. Holy: Belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; sacred.
  6. Practicing: Actively working in, engaged in, or observing, especially a particular profession or religion
  7. Faithful: Adhering firmly and devotedly, as to a person, cause, or idea; loyal.
  8. Pious: Having or exhibiting religious reverence; earnestly compliant in the observance of religion

If a spouse is able to conform to the above and then declare in their “Bio-Data” that they are “Educated” and “Religious”, a majority of the marital problems and social evils in the society would get eliminated and there would be more happiness and prosperity between the marital partners.

If you are seeking marriage or a spouse for your daughter/son, instead of being satisfied with mere academic qualifications and observance of a couple of religious obligations, it would be much better to ascertain if the would-be spouse is truly educated and religious. This verification can save your daughter/son from a miserable marital life.

Do you want your daughter or son to embark on a miserable marital journey?

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About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.
You can contact me by writing to me at zayaf121@gmail.com.

You can read more on: http://muslimweddingflight.com/a-little-about-me

Comments (14)

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  1. I couldn’t help but laugh while reading your post in realization of how truthful it really is. Unfortunately it is no laughing matter, especially when so many peoples lives and happiness are involved. I pray this can serve as an eye opener and inspiration to change insha Allah. We are a Muslim Matrimonial Site and we have experience in seeing many similar above mentioned adds for marriage and also trying to minimize this through our own blog. We thank you for your article

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thank you for dropping by and very true that in regards to crucial matters we accept things on face value and do not seek or provide detailed information that would help to avoid future misunderstandings or problems in the relationships. However, in all other matters that are related to investing even smaller amount of money, we thoroughly investigate and satisfy ourselves if our investment is protected.

  2. sindhoooo says:

    A must read post! Being educated is something different than being literate! Today, the most people are only literate rather than educated!

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me
    sindhoooo recently posted…How To Make Raglan Bodice & Raglan Sleeves?My Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      This was the pinnacle point of the post. There’s certainly a huge difference between being qualified and educated. Being educated is a recipe that should have several ingredients apart from being just qualified which is only one ingredient.

  3. zooni khan says:

    i agree with ur observations…

  4. Amrita Sabat says:

    Very correctly written. I agree wid your points but also believe that one’s nature can’t fully be judged from before. Thus, lot of compromises/adjustments r needed.
    Also like Indrani says, how to collect relevant trustworthy info on the person?! For all U know, most ppl may hav a gr8 impression about him, yet within four walls he maybe quite an abuser!!

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      The intention behind the post was to highlight the true meaning of being called “Educated” and “Religious”. There’s no gadget to check or judge a person’s character. However, just like a lot is perceived about the applicant’s behavior, traits etc. from an employment interview, some questions and little research would give a better picture about the person.

  5. Indrani says:

    These points are good, but it is hard to verify! One has to dig up old contacts and neighborhood. Another important point is getting health check up and knowing blood groups.

  6. Anita says:

    Very correct observations. Nicely listed & analysed.
    Sad that well-educated & religious people have indulged in horrible crimes. Feel helpless reading the newspapers.
    Thing is, we don’t know about a person till we stay with them… Sad state.

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thanks! It is unfortunate that the so-called educated and religious also behave in the same manner as illiterates. If we want to buy a TV, Mobile, Music System, washing machine etc., we do not bring them home for a trial. We do lots of research before buying things but are hesitant to verify important matters about the spouse’s habits, behavior, character etc., and leave it for destiny to solve and thus the problems arise.

  7. Athenas Take says:

    The problem with the Indian marriage set up is that we focus our attention only on the outwardly stuff. After that the only two words you will hear is adjustment and compromise. A little bit of sensible thinking from the parents and the boy or girl will surely make a difference. Agree with you 100% and sharing this all my friends so that they too can see and learn.
    Athenas Take recently posted…STOP BIDDING START CHOOSINGMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Very true! These two words “Adjustment and Compromise” have put many lives into jeopardy. Its just like sending a soldier to war without weaponry training and asking them to adjust and manage the consequences.

      Thanks again for sharing the post.

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