Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
“Henry Ford hired an efficiency expert to go through his plant. He said, “Find the nonproductive people. Tell me who they are, and I will fire them!”
The expert made the rounds with his clipboard in hand and finally returned to Henry Ford’s office with his report. “I’ve found a problem with one of your administrators,” he said. “Every time I walked by, he was sitting with his feet propped up on the desk. The man never does a thing. I definitely think you should consider getting rid of him!” When Henry Ford learned the name of the man the expert was referring to, Ford shook his head and said, “I can’t fire him. I pay that man to do nothing but think – and that’s what he’s doing.”
Now let’s think differently:
Until recent years it was customary for the bridegrooms’ parents to visit the bride’s family in order to choose their Daughter-In-Law. On the other hand, the bride’s family would make all out efforts to please the visitors. The various arrangements would be meticulously planned to give them their best impression. An hour before the bridegroom family’s arrival would be impatiently and anxiously spent just like waiting to watch the Halley’s Comet.
After arrival, the bridegroom’s parents and the entourage quickly make an estimation of the bride’s financial status in their first look. If this first aspect should be unappealing or unsatisfactory, the second aspect regarding the bride’s inspection would become more stringent and cumbersome. The bride’s face, cheeks, nose, eyes, ears, lips, teeth, chin, hair, arms, fingers, feet, voice, her talking and walking style would all be carefully scrutinized.
The result was usually based upon the financial status of the bride’s family (including dowry offered) and then the requirement for the bride to be the most beautiful girl. If these two aspects were satisfactory, the first meeting would culminate in a ‘YES’. If the bride’s family status (wealth) was not up to the expectations, it would be said, ‘we will let you know soon’ and the answer over the phone would be:
- The girl’s height is slightly less than the boy’s height
- The girl is employed and we need a housewife.
- The girl is less educated than the boy
- The girl’s nose is too small
- The girl is not fair
Thus, several visits by various families had forced the girls to endure pain, humiliation and embarrassment and it sometimes lead many girls to a low self-esteem or depression.
However, the whole scenario changed as more and more girls realized that if they were the sponsors for the wedding expenses, dowry payment and all other financial matters, then, why on earth they should allow the bridegroom’s family to further victimize them emotionally. Hence, the bride’s families felt it was necessary for them to visit the bridegroom’s family in order to ascertain if the bridegroom and his family are financially sound as well as to learn more about their antecedents before finalizing the proposal. It was also felt important to know if the household in which their daughter would spend the rest of her life is congenial.
Ever since this trend was established, many boys and their families have realized the pain and humiliation due to rejection by the bride’s family. In some rare cases, the bride and her parents make the first visit and if satisfied they invite other family members at the time of signing the “Pre-Marital Agreement”.
Some of the reasons for rejecting the would-be-bridegrooms are as follows:
- The bridegroom’s gross salary as per the ‘Pay Slip’ is quite less after deductions.
- The bridegroom spends too much time on Whats-App.
- The bridegroom lacks vision for the family.
- The kitchen as well as the bedroom is too small.
- The washing machine and other appliances are too old
Sometimes the following conversation takes place before such a visit:
Mom: We are getting late, hurry up. I hope you would say “Yes” at least this time!
Would-be-bride: Mama! I’m not going to a vegetable market to buy onions or carrots but I’m going to choose a life partner, a financial provider, a leader of the house. Let’s first make sure about this aspect. Also, I want to know the place where I’m going to spend the rest of my life. It should be a safe haven and not like the Alcatraz Island. Let’s see if the family we’re visiting fits our expectations and then I will decide whether to say “Yes” or “No”
If the bride’s family is visiting bridegroom’s family to choose the bridegroom and finalize the proposal, would there be any more reasons to reject proposals?
Image source: Google.com
Category: MARITAL AWARENESS
About the Author (Author Profile)
I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.