“Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.”
In both professional and personal life two people are mostly blamed “The boss and the Saas”. Some of the reasons are discussed below:
Managers work in every industry throughout the world. A manager monitors, evaluates, and supervises the activities of his or her staff. Line managers supervise staff, while mid-level managers develop plans, goals, and deadlines. Upper-level managers such as vice presidents and chief financial officers work on developing company policies and long-term business strategies.
A manager needs to have certain qualities in order to succeed. These qualities include leadership skills, verbal and written communication abilities, excellent interpersonal abilities, an eye for detail, and solid analytical skills.
Bosses can make or mar your professional and personal life. A boss should be a good leader than a manager. Some of the traits of a Manager and a Leader are as follows:
- Managers give answers while leaders ask questions.
- Managers criticize or reprimand while Leaders indirectly point out the mistakes and take responsibility.
- Managers rarely praise while Leaders take every opportunity to reward their employees.
- Managers focus on the bad while Leaders focus on the good.
- Managers take credit while Leaders credit their teams.
- Managers exercise power over people while Leaders develop power with people.
Below are a few examples of the bad leadership traits:
- Poor decision making
- Bad communication
- Yelling, belittling or condemning at every opportunity.
- Using fear tactics
- Making employees feel guilty.
Good Leaders and Bosses are someone who takes care by guiding, listening and empowering their employees. They have the following traits and values that make them distinguished from others:
- Faith and belief
- Knowledge and Wisdom
- Courage and determination
- Mutual consultation
- Morality and Piety
- Superior Communication
- Justice and Compassion
- Patience and Endurance
- Commitment and Sacrifice
- Gratitude and prayers.
The relationship between the Mother-In-Law and the Daughter-In-Law is mostly tense, uneasy, uncomfortable and infuriating. This deadlock has caused great unhappiness and distress to both Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law. Most Daughters-In-Law blame their Mothers-In-Law for having the following traits:
- Failing to recognize the identity of a Daughter-In-Law.
- Being biased
- Too much intrusion
- Status issues
- Involvement in housework and child care
Similar to a Manager, the Mother-In-Law monitors, evaluates, and supervises the activities of her family members. Managers at different levels do different jobs. However, a Mother-In-Law has to perform all jobs from supervising to developing plans, goals, and policies, short-term and long-term strategies for the family.
The Mother-In-Law too needs to have certain qualities such as leadership skills, excellent interpersonal and verbal communication abilities and analytical skills. Her family members know her behavior and attitude and adjust accordingly. However, her Daughter-In-Law may need months and perhaps years to understand her behavior and attitude and adjust accordingly.
A Mother-In-Law assumes the position on the day her son gets married. As of that day, if the mother-in-law possessed the necessary skills and abilities and successfully handled the family, she would be qualified for the post. However, if she should be lacking in the aforesaid skills and abilities and have bad leadership traits; her communication, behavior and attitude would certainly lead to misunderstandings, disagreements, frustration and unhappiness in the relationship with her DIL.
The following is a summary from Dr. Muhammad Ali al-Hashimi’s book ‘The Ideal Muslilmah’ about the Muslim Woman’s attitude towards her Daughters-In-Law:
- She knows how to make a good choice in selecting a daughter-in-law
- She knows her place
- She gives advice but does not interfere in their private life
- She respects her and treats her well
- She is wise and fair in her judgment of her daughter-in-law
Good Mothers-In-Law should be someone who takes care by guiding, listening and empowering their Daughters-In-Law. If you are about to assume the Mother-In-Law’s position, possessing or acquiring the required skills, traits and values would enable you to enjoy a happy relationship with your Daughter-In-Law.
What other Skills, Values, and Traits would you recommend for an ideal mother-in-law?
About the Author (Author Profile)
I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.