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A Stitch in Time Saves Nine

| February 19, 2015 | 18 Comments

When a marital proposal is made some questions play a very crucial role in setting right many an expectations from all concerned. At this stage, a majority of them either ignore or hesitate to ask some crucial questions. Once this opportunity is lost, the spouses, parents and in-laws face a lot of trauma when situations unfold against their expectations after marriage. There’s a famous proverb “A stitch in time saves nine”.


stitch in time


The following are a few questions put forth by a prospective housemaid to her employer:

  • What type of work will you be expecting from me?
  • Will you give me a separate room to live in?
  • Will you allow me to watch TV?
  • How many TV sets do you have?
  • Will you give me a weekly day off?
  • Have you got a refrigerator?
  • What about my clothes, soap, toothpaste etc.?
  • How many children do you have?
  • Will you allow my friends to visit me?
  • How many of your children is school going?
  • How many male or female members are to be looked after?
  • Have you got a milk vendor for home delivery of milk?
  • Have you engaged a vegetable seller permanently to avoid going to the market?
  • How many room coolers or ACs do you have in the house?
  • Have you got a geyser to get hot water?
  • Do you become angry over trifles?
  • Will you give me a freehand to eat whatever is prepared in the kitchen?
  • How many times will I get tea? (at least 3 times a day including bed tea)?
  • Am I expected to wash the clothes of the family?
  • Will I have to drop and pickup the school children from bus stands?
  • What is the monthly salary you are offering me?

If a housemaid would like to have crystal clear clarity about a few important aspects, isn’t it necessary for all the parties involved in a marriage to have clarity on certain important matters before finalizing the proposal?

Below are a few questions that need to be asked and clarified:

  • Do the father and mother-in-law have the right of obedience?
  • Do they have the right to enter my room with or without permission?
  • To what extent should I obey them with regard to my clothing, cooking, childcare, house-keeping and going out of the house?
  • Do they have the right to interfere in our marital life?
  • Do they have any rights with regard to our work, where we live, education and the like?
  • Do I have to ask their permission to visit my family?
  • Do they have the right to know all the details about our life?

Do you have any more questions to add to the above list?

Woman’s Era- June 2002.
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About the Author (Author Profile)

I’m Fayaz Pasha from Bangalore, the Silicon Valley and Garden City of India. I’m a Certified Life Coach and an NLP Practitioner. I love reading, writing and convey my thoughts through Poetry. I would like to make my humble contribution to the Society through this blog towards detoxification of social evils particularly the dowry system.

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Comments (18)

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  1. sindhoooo says:

    It is very true that the society isn’t much open to a life long relationship… Hope these questions reach all the ‘koopa mandookas’ (frogs in the well) :)
    TC! Keep smiling :)
    sindhoooo recently posted…Paper Quilled EarhangingsMy Profile

  2. You’ve covered almost everything. It’s always better to discuss the pros and cons, whatever the deal is, even marriage.
    Maniparna Sengupta Majumder recently posted…Haiku: Summer MorningMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      I did expect a few more questions from girl’s point of view. While we are so cautious while buying vegetables, fruits, appliances etc, we just cannot presume or assume and accept pain and suffering as destiny and fate. If a co-passenger in a bus or plane is bothersome, the journey becomes distasteful. Why should a life-long journey be allowed to be distasteful?

  3. Saru Singhal says:

    Nope, you have said almost everything. People should realize that marriage is a tricky institution these days and it’s right to get things straight.

  4. Alok Singhal says:

    This is a very unique thought, Fayaz.

    Agreed, all questions ought to be asked before taking on anything that is of immense importance and marriage is one such ‘deal’

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thank you Alok for your kind appreciation and I hope a majority of women who are seeking a life-partner also agree that its vital to ask and know certain things before securing the relationship.

  5. mumbaiiteanu says:

    A bit of frankness and clarifications right in the beginning can lay an honest foundation for a perfect marriage.
    mumbaiiteanu recently posted…Skywatch Friday 2015 – 8 : Trip To Elephanta Island – 4 # Seagulls In FlightMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Rightly said. When the foundation itself is weak, the building is unsafe. Being frank and clarifying at least a few things as per expectations would help the relationship to bond with more love and trust.

  6. Though little weird to ask but yes it can save lot of pain later to all..

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Google Maps that are now available in mobile phones, watches, vehicles etc. have become so handy as they assist the travelers to reach their destination. Similarly, asking a few questions though weird or uneasy will certainly help in avoiding lots of pain and suffering in the long run.

      Thank you Roohi for your kind comment.

  7. Anita says:

    I agree that the parties must be open and free and honest right from the beginning. Sure can help for the future journey.
    Nicely expressed, Fayazji.
    Anita recently posted…#1000Speak For CompassionMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      Thank you Anita.

      The saying that “shaadi ke baad sub theek ho jayega” needs to be revised as “Sub theek hoga tho phir shaadi hogi” which needs to clarify a few basic questions as per their expectations.

  8. Ha ha.. These are good questions Fayaz. Kinda like having an agreement before entering the proposal, I like the faint tint of humor and the thought that has gone behind in making this post. If only life would have been this simple :)
    vinay nagaraju recently posted…Comment on How To Overcome Fear : 11 Practical Steps To Guide You Through The journey Of Overcoming Fears by Fayaz PashaMy Profile

    • Fayaz Pasha says:

      These are those questions that haunt relationships and bring them to the door of divorce and separation. We do clarify most of the aspects in life except relationships because we hope and assume things will turn out well as expected. Life is indeed simple, but we have ourselves made it complicated.

  9. The questions and the message is crystal clear.
    We need to tackle a small issue right now when we have the time, before it turns into a disaster.

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